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March 2017

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Heaven Can Wait (止卡/四卡)

Disclaimer: If they were mine, they’d be doing far more entertaining things in the manga.
Spoilers: Through Kakashi Gaiden.
Pairing: Shisui/Kakashi, Yondaime/Kakashi implications
Rating: R for language and implied sex.
Note: A sequel to Incognito. Released for Yondaime-sama’s 2007 birthday.

Heaven Can Wait
by Renata Lord (snowlight)


Heaven can wait, but I cannot.
—Bonny Hicks, 1968-1997

*

“I’m leaving Anbu.”

The damning words had impulsively, almost inadvertently, spilled from Shisui’s lips.

This particular hot summer night was an unusually oppressive one, and they were coated in a sheen of each other’s sweat. Their naked limbs were mangled in an unshapely pile on the bed, but Shisui could feel Kakashi’s forehead resting on his collar bones with a familiar, motionless weight.

There was no immediate reaction so he repeated himself, this time with more conviction and bile.

“I’m leaving, Kakashi.”

He felt the person draped over him giving a small shrug. Then against his skin come a muffled voice, barely half-awake.

“…‘Have a good life’, I guess?”

Shisui narrowed his eyes. He moved to tighten his embrace around Kakashi’s exposed back, and the body in his arms did not bother to resist. This gave him an odd sense of security, enough for him to make a request that was perhaps childish in both its simplicity and foolishness.

“We can leave together.”

There was a short silence, but Kakashi at last stirred. Shisui saw those familiar hard-glinted eyes, one black and one red, peering at him intently underneath a mop of silver hair. The voice had shed that sleepy shroud.

“No way I’ll leave Anbu. Not while that man is still hokage. I thought you knew that.”

That man. These two small words grated on Shisui’s nerves more than he thought was possible, even though he could not quite explain why. He pressed his lips into a thin line, cocked his head and glared at Kakashi. It was a look of stern disapproval, of course, but with it also a soundless plea.

True to nature, Kakashi did not relent.

“…besides, your family will never approve of this. The jounin exam is already over for this year.” There was no way Shisui’s parents would let their much-touted child prodigy stay a mere special jounin for almost an entire year at the overripe age of sixteen.

This grim reminder, unfortunately, only deterred Shisui for a small moment. After that the pent-up anger returned, as dark and inexplicable as ever.

Fuck them,” he growled with the typical aplomb of someone who hadn’t the faintest idea what he was getting himself into. “Fuck the Uchiha name. Just you wait. One day I’m gonna slit—”

He abruptly stopped in spite of himself, frozen in both guilt and fear. Kakashi deftly used this opening to free himself from Shisui’s forceful embrace and pinned the raven-haired youth down underneath him. After the reflexive struggling had stopped, Kakashi leaned down and stared directly onto Shisui’s face, watching those black eyes slowing turning into a burning crimson.

“Don’t say anything stupid, Uchiha. I don’t want to have to report you.”

There was a vehement coldness in that voice, so chilling that Shisui almost felt burnt. He felt something inside him snap but, for once, did not rush to rein in those dangerous impulses. For a long moment he simply stared back at Kakashi, bloody red against the odd eye, both sides equally unforgiving.

Then his lips moved. Audacious sounds began to form in his throat. He knew he should have been absolutely terrified at uttering those words, but he wasn’t. In fact, he never felt so calm, so sure, in his entire goddamn life.

“Like I’d tell you. Our hokage’s good lil’ boytoy that you are.”

*

He didn’t have to look at Kakashi to know that he had done it, but it was so deeply satisfying to see that normally inscrutable face distorting in both thinly checked rage and unmistakenable pain. He held his breath and didn’t want to even blink—at last he had found him, the real Kakashi—under the porcelain mask, under the black fabric, the Kakashi who had built a seemingly impregnable fortress.

There was only one opening, one chance to break through all those layers of defense and lay waste to the core. And Uchiha Shisui had found it.

Kakashi’s hands began to tremble uncontrollably, as if he was having trouble deciding which part of the body underneath him he could do the most damage to in the most gruesome of fashions.

Biting down on his lips until they were seeping blood, he moved his face even closer. His breath was hot and menacing on Shisui’s mouth.

“….what? You jealous?

It was an accusation, and Shisui was all too aware of his own crimes. Some unwritten law, some previously mutual understanding…something had been broken, and it was impossible to amend or regain.

Yet he had no regrets. He knew there would be none, for as long as he would live. He could no longer bear to linger in the gray shades with Kakashi. It was either all or nothing. Heaven could wait, yes. But not Shisui. Not in this life.

Perhaps that’s why he moved to kiss those silvery eyelashes. An awkward gesture given the position he was in, and deceivingly chaste. After the feat was achieved he sank back onto the bed, his lips curled up in a malicious grin and his eyes bright with fire again.

Yeah you bet. Crazy like you wouldn’t believe.

It sounded like a dying man’s last confession. Quite fittingly, at this rate he would be dead in no time at all. The hands on his throat had already tightened dangerously. It took all his strength to not fight back by instinct. In the meanwhile Kakashi, it seemed, also had to check in a murderous rage of his own.

But in Shisui’s peripheral vision, all he could notice was how deathly white did Kakashi’s skin appear in the wane moonlight. The window had not been closed, even though the outside world—with Konoha, katana shop, Anbu halls and the 4th Hokage in it—seemed a lifetime away. In this room there was only Kakashi, the gods’ creation in alabaster, immaculate in his barely muted fury.

“Don’t you ever—ever—talk about him like that again, you fucking son of a bitch.” Kakashi hissed in a whisper. The underlying message couldn’t have been more clear, yet the tone was oddly soft, even conspiratorial. It was a secret after all, and one that was meant to be kept hidden for a thousand years, until the rivers run dry and mountains give way to wind and dust.

Only then, perhaps, would he be able to give a proper reply.

*

[Finis]

迟到的四代大人2007冥诞纪念文……仍然唐僧得让人无法忍受。= =||||||
它能得以见天日,还要多谢Shizumi+鸢尾+冰炎。不过我终究是没法黑掉四代大人啊~~~泪奔。诸君,我对不起你们!(猛虎落地式)
以后真的不能再写止卡了。= = 哪怕伪的都不能了,因为我越写越发现我对这位大好青年没爱……一丁点都没有。

Comments

Ack! Gotta say........Kakashi can be such a jerk sometimes! :O

It seems so reminiscent of that type of love...if you can call what they had by that name. Touchingly young, tender, bitter, and raw, down to the end.

There is like. NO English fanfiction for pairings like this in Naruto. >_>
The way I see it, it wasn't Kakashi's fault. Well he was stupid, but you are allowed to be stupid about this sort of thing when you are that young. But then again the same is true of Shisui.

The problem was that they both miscalculated, I think. But yeah, "bitter" would be a fitting description for it. I had wanted to write the death scene for Shisui, but decided I couldn't take any more of the angst. It's terrible, writing in this style. My Formula 1 fics are a lot calmer/smoother....

As to the Naruto English pairings though. I think Kiba/Hinata has potential. Same thing with Jiraiya/Tsunade. I certainly would like to write a J/T fic one day along this vein.
I don't really blame either of them as well, I guess both he and Shisui lacked the foresight of thought before action/speaking, at times, that comes with age.

Deathfics were always hard for me, but I think after everything Kakashi went through - seeing his reaction to Shisui's death might actually be worse than writing the actual killing scene itself, I think.

Hmm. I like Shino, but I never really gave much thought to Kiba. The appeal of Hinata, for me, is her development as a character as her own person [yada yada yada etc insert one of heronite's essays here].

I did - kind of - get into Neji/Hinata, though. I can't say for sure how I feel about the pairing, incest-wise, though. I don't view cousin-relationships as incest, but if Hiashi and Hizashi were identical, I suppose genetically, they really would kind of be like siblings. :\

J/T is interesting...I think. I used to hold out hope that there's still a chance for them canonically, but I don't think we'll ever see that. Or if we do, I don't know if I want to see Kishimoto handling it. XD
It's kinda funny for me to hear that deathfics are always hard for you, though. Come think of it, in these three years, most of the fics I have written can be (loosely) defined as deathfics. But I don't write deathfic just for the tragedy factor (at least I hope not -_-).

Related to the topic of death, given what Kishimoto did to Asuma/Kurenai...like hell I'd trust him with Jiraiya/Tsunade. (Well I don't trust him to be anything other than him, but that's not saying much.)

Re: Hinata. I just think it's cute how Hinata watches Naruto but Kiba watches Hinata. Kiba's personality, after all, is quite like Naruto's. So I think there eventually might be something there. But as a whole I have to confess that I haven't paid really close attention to the younger generation, mostly because I have devoted SOOOOO much energy/time to...well, Kakashi-related stuff. I do like ShikaTema a lot though--almost enough to finish a fic for it. And NaruSaku would be nice as well, methinks. I even have the perfect theme song for it—"It Is You (I've Loved)" by Dana Glover.
Loose death fics are okay..."and then, as his blood spread pink across the warm bath water...Daniel DIED!!!" is...you know. >_> Borderline-snuff, IMHO. I read a few OP fics like that (most of the time, the guys who die are Zoro or Sanji......death comes to the pretty first!), and then, it's just...UGH. Not believable. >_> But in terms of characters or people who actually are dead, I'd have no problem with it, I think

Re: Hinata. I just think it's cute how Hinata watches Naruto but Kiba watches Hinata. Kiba's personality, after all, is quite like Naruto's.

OH! Hmm. That's a good point. I wonder if we're actually going to ever see anything noteworthy from that team again...it seems like Kishimoto only resurrects these minor characters to keep his fans in check and to prove he hasn't forgotten about them.

I quite like NaruSaku, they have an interesting relationship, and I like that those two propel each other forward (more Naruto > Sakura than vice-versa). Plus, Naruto has done so much for Sakura, the depth of his feelings are quite clear, even though he doesn't say much of it anymore.

(Dana Glover? Not familiar...*youtubes*)
Now now now, did you really have to use the name Daniel to illustrate your point?

I can't see notable characters dying in OP. I just can't. Sometimes I get so pent up I want to write about Beckman leaving Shanks, but I can never kill either of them off. That's very contrary to the spirit of OP, I think.

Plus, Naruto has done so much for Sakura, the depth of his feelings are quite clear, even though he doesn't say much of it anymore.

Yeah he isn't nearly as vocal about it now, is he. I think this is a very good sign of his newly gained maturity (at least in this area). I wonder what Jiraiya taught him about women during those 2.5 years...(Oooh I feel a J/T+N/S plot bunny raising its head...)

Re: Dana Glover. I encountered the song as the background music to a fan montage for Svetlana Khorkina.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=GpHjR67q3ZE
Wellll....the Darren or Daniel cry-for-attention snuff-fic I used to read was what turned me off deathfic the most, I'd say. But...yea. That probably was gratuitous.

I think writing major characters from OP dying just doesn't seem believable. Contrary to the spirit - I agree. It's almost...against what OP, the characters, and their dreams, stand for.

(Oooh I feel a J/T+N/S plot bunny raising its head...)

Wriiiite it. Wriiiiiiiiiiite it!

P.S. Eh...off the top of your head...I don't know how close you were to San Fransisco when you were studying in Berkeley, but...is there anything you'd particularly recommend visiting in the area?
Berekely is not that close to SF, but I vistied SF last May.

The Piers were very nice for taking leisurely strolls (but keep in mind I visited under balmier weather). There are a lot of shops and restaurants. The crabs were very very good but equally overpriced (one for $50!).

The Golden Gate Bridge is a place you are supposed to go to if you have never been...but personally to me it was just, um, a bridge. Palace of Fine Arts near the Golden Gate Bridge was kinda nice for taking pictures (in May) with Greco-Roman architecture.

I didn't go to Alcatraz Island, but if you are interested in that period of history that might be interesting.

Lombard Street looked very pretty to me as a 13-year-old. On my revis9t I was surprised to find that it didn't have any flowers.

I also visited Farmer's Market in front of the Ferry Building. It was pretty nice if you are into that sort of thing.
Thanks for the tips! (And sorry for the uber-late response @_@). My sister and I are considering visiting the area around summer...I've never been there before. Funnily enough, I don't really know a lot of what's there, either - other than that bridge, Alcatraz, hilly roads, and Chinatown...:P
For the record, I think as a Chinese American, the last place you'd want to go is the Chinatown in SF....
Um. Wow. I read this and loved it, and then clicked through to realize I had read the previous story.

The two together create an even more complex tension - you can almost feel the two of them straining, and I think of how dangerous the whiplash from a snapped rope is.

Thanks for reading~

Straining, that's a good word. I certainly felt strained as I was writing this. :P

PS, if you are interested, there is another Naruto fic I wrote. It's gen, featuring 4sama and Kakashi: Blue as Blood.

WELL。。。


I have to admit that I can't get the meaning of many sentences...TAT

But I think If I come here often,I'll consider passing CET-6 a piece of cake...

Anbu...How about DarkUnit...?

Re: WELL。。。

The official English translation is ANBU (all capital letters). ^^ Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai (暗殺戦術特殊部隊).