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April 2017

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Do Unto Others (FF8, all char.)

Title: Do Unto Others
Pairing: All character crack/giggle.
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Square Enix.
Summary: Zell creates a Counter Strike team, but all does not go as planned.

Do Unto Others
by Renata Lord (snowlight)

*

Zell Dincht thought that with two SeeDs in a group of three, his new gaming team would be able to cruise to the top in no time at all.

He was wrong.

Ok, so none of them was Irvine Kinneas, but the speed with which they got creamed in the newest version of Counter Strike was simply embarrassing. It wasn't even because they were bad—more like the opposing team was entirely omguberz. Worse still, it seemed that the other team had a target locked on them and kept sending them new challenges after every match. They didn't want to ignore the thrown gauntlet down out of pride, but the said pride was also getting rather increasingly bruised game after game.

After the sixth loss in a row, they decided that a time-out was in order. Rinoa looked at Zell. Selphie pouted and looked at Zell. Zell pumped his fists at the computer screen. The enemy team name DuO (Do unto Others) flashed before him like an endless taunt.

This was the exact wrong time for his cell phone to ring. It was also, unfortunately, from the exact wrong person.

"Hey chickie, how are you and the girls doing?" Seifer's tone was way too innocent for Zell's liking.

"Just playing some CS," he ignored Selphie's look and answered curtly. "What do you want?"

Some suspicious background sounds came from the other end of the phone, but before Zell could process them, the Seifer Almasy he had known (although hardly loved) was back in full swing, voice loud and full of bravado.

"CS, huh? Let me ask you this, chickie. On a scale of one to ten, how badly do you say you are getting your ass handed to you? You think you can walk straight tomorrow?"

"What the hell—"

"Hey listen. Next time, don't wear red, all right? I know it's pretty and all, but it makes you so easy to spot it's not even fun."

Rinoa gasped. Selphie squealed. Zell's eyes widened as realization came over him like a bucket of cold water.

"You—you bastard! You are on that fucking team?"

"Damn right I am!" Seifer sounded like a kid on Christmas morning. "I feel bad for the girls. They should totally replace you with Kinneas."

The two women tried their best to hide the giggles, but it wasn't very successful. Zell's first reaction was to shout back that nobody was getting replaced. This was his team, and he'd be damned if they weren't gonna stick together. But then another thought occurred to him. It was uncharacteristically devious, and he loved it.

"You know," he said slowly, hand still gripping the phone, "I bet I can get Squall to come on my team. Then we will see whose head gets popped."

There was a total howling of laughter on the other end.

"Sorry chickie, but Squally here says he likes to defuse your bombs too much to be a traitor. He does say sorry to the girls though."

After a moment of speechlessness, Zell found himself yelling into the phone again: "How the hell did you get Squall on your side!? That's just...wrong!"

"Sick, isn't it?" Zell could just see that smirk on Seifer's face turning permanent now. "Seriously though, you should get Kinneas in. We are getting real tired of easy wins here. Fuu says next time she's gonna start killing the hostages herself."

"—what!? Fuujin!?" this time the women chimed in simultaneously.

"Hell ya! She's the one who's been popping chickie the most. That girl can outshoot anybody in this game. She's been playing forever. And actually, she's the one who found you guys out in the first place."

"But—how!?"

"Well, it could have something to do with the fact that your team is named Super Balamb Hot Dogs..."

*

[Finis]

A/N: For any discrepancy between the CS we know and the CS in the fic, I invoke artistic license along the lines of "it's a new version of CS...in the FFVIII world, no less!"

Comments

Super Balamb Hot Dogs!! *dies*

"Sick, isn't it?" - I giggled at this. XD
Seifer is such a jerk it's delicious~ @_@
Yeah, he's one meanie, but I still love him. :)

Hyne Almasy you're such an asshole.

And a lovely one at that. xD

Re: Hyne Almasy you're such an asshole.

The funny thing is, I think he corrupted Squall.

Well obviously.

Hyne Frozen Heart killed me. I HATE IT.

Re: Well obviously.

*innocent look*

I have no idea what you are talking about.

Re: Well obviously.

well take my advise and don't read it.