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tower of light

April 2017

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The Four Times Kirk Didn't Say "I Love You, Too" and the One Time He Did (Star Trek XI, Kirk/Spock)

Written for st_xi_kink request. Sadly no porn, just Kirk-centric sap with K/S flavor.

Title: The Four Times Kirk Didn't Say "I Love You, Too" and the One Time He Did
Pairing: Kirk/Spock (Kirk-centric)
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Word Count: 895

The Four Times Kirk Didn't Say "I Love You, Too" and the One Time He Did
by Renata Lord



Jim is six.

He is used to his mother not being around—she travels a lot, doing important things in space. That's what he's told.

He's happy when she comes back home though, although she never stays for very long. She brings him presents like rocks from faraway stars and the latest robot models from Vulcan. Jim sets them aside in his toy chest. There will be plenty of time for that later, when she's not around. For now he just wants to be with her, armfuls of softness and safety.

She doesn't tell him when she has to leave again, because she's sneaky like that. So he follows her everywhere. Even when she goes to the restroom, he stands guard at the door with all the patience and conviction of a six-year-old.

For a while she doesn't say anything, but eventually she asks him why.

"I gotta watch you. You disappear without telling me," explains Jim, chewing on Andorian bubble gum.

She leans down to hug him so he doesn't see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I love you, Jim."

He is too busy not crying to say anything back. The next morning when he wakes up he goes searching for her. She is not there.


Jimmy Kirk is fourteen.

He is in a mess of entangled limbs, slick skin and hoarse breath. The cool garage air feels strange on his half-naked torso. The faint smell of gasoline and dust flares in his nostrils. He chalks it up to heightened physical sensitivity after climax.

"I missed you, man," the boy called Mike grins widely as they pull away from each other, "you give the best blowjobs. Trust me, I know these things. Such a shame you got kicked out."

He laughs with sheer delight, his heart as light as a feather. "Well, fuck you, too."


Cadet Kirk is twenty-five.

He doesn't feel guilty about using computer lab girl Gaila to get access to the Kobayashi Maru mainframe computer. He likes her. He does. She can pull off the red hair look, very rare for an Orion. And they have a working arrangement, complete with the flirting and the drinks. All in all, he's lucky to have gotten on with her.

He feels blindsided when she blurts out "I love you."

It's an echo from times he does not recall. There is a moment of panic, then he remembers that girls just say stuff like that in bed. It probably does something for the encounter.

"That is so weird," he distantly hears himself reply back, in the hushed darkness.

She stiffens under him, and something tells Jim he's probably not getting lucky tonight, after all.


Captain James T. Kirk is twenty-seven.

The world is his oyster, and he loves it. Maybe a little too much, but the captain's philosophy is that too much of a good thing is still a good thing.

He sees adoration in women's eyes now. Hero worship. Which is funny, because Jim Kirk doesn't think of himself as a hero, but that's another talk, for another time and another place. Possibly with Spock, and definitely not with the bald Deltan girl in front of him right now.

"Captain," she breathes against his ears and he feels the famed Deltan sexual allure enveloping him like a velvet glove. Every part of her seems to beckon him to come closer still, to catch the Cardassian Sunrise drops lingering on her smooth lips.

And he does. The liquor tastes bittersweet, but her mouth is warm and yielding. He delves into the desire with abandon, working his way down starting from her wonderful neckline. Somewhere in the haze he hears her gasping, her fingers digging into his flesh. Then there is a broken phrase in the alien language. It has been forever since he conversed in Deltan, but he's pretty sure it's the start of a confession.

"Shhhh," he soothes her as best as he can. Even if the Deltans don't mean it like humans do, it still probably hurts a little when the person doesn't say it back to you. He knows this from personal experience.


Back in Iowa again, Jim is thirty-two.

He hugs his mother as they say good-bye. She feels so small in his arms, a little old lady with weathered bones. History can rest now, without the screaming, the tears, and the open wounds. Let it all go to sleep here, in the heart of this empty land.

Or so he thinks.

"I love you. I always did." She whispers frantically before he can pull away, the words gushing out with such an intensity as if she'd never get a chance to say them again. "I buried my heart on that ship. But by God, I love you Jim, and I always will."

"I know, Mom," he hesitates, unsure of himself as she lets him go. In the periphery of his vision, he sees Spock raising a hand for the Vulcan salute.

"Dif-tor heh smusma, Mrs. Kirk. Thank you for everything—" and Spock pauses to shoot him a strangely solemn look, "and thank you, for him."

Jim Kirk really does not have the urge to cry. He hasn't cried since he was six.

He closes his eyes and leans down to kiss his mother's forehead, wrinkles and all.

"Yeah, thanks Mom. I love you, too."



A/N: I totally did not make up the part about Jim's motivation to get close to Gaila. :P


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Awwww! So sweet! :D I love that the "I love you too" was to his mother.
Yeah somehow I don't see Spock going "I love you" all googly-eyed at him. :P
Aw this is so fantastic! I love stories like this. Thank you so much for sharing!
This is... sad, I think. But very true to character.
Aw, I really liked how that ended! Thanks!
Nicely done!
♥ Loved it, it was so bittersweet. And so Kirk.

A/N: I totally did not make up the part about Jim's motivation to get close to Gaila. :P


Also, I am wondering when Kirk lost his virginity now...
I think a better question is, when did Spock lose it? >_>

BTW, uh, you know our conversation from last night? The guy I married totally saw it when he came over to use my computer. Uh. Yeah. Think I should kill him just in case?
Uhh. That was amazing. I think I have a bit of a weakness for 4-times-he-did, 1-time-he-didn't or vice versa fics. I love your use of language, and the short, meaningful sentences.

So, uhh, feel free to write more Star Trek fic. You know, right now whenever.
Thank you! I like reading the 4/1 fics too, but I really tried to not write this one. Obviously I failed. :P

I'm working on the continuation of my Sofek->Spock fic right now, but I'll write or translate other stuff as my muses see fit. I hope you will enjoy those too. :)
Very nice piece of Kirk gen. The first part with his mother was so sweet and sad :( :( :(
Aw, so adorable! "Thank you, for him." Oh that got me.
beautiful! and I'm glad he said it to his mom too :)
Oh, I loved this. Thank you so much for writing it!
*wibbles* Aw...

Very lovely!
He really does have some very tragic elements to him in this 'verse, some very broken parts, full of hurt, that he tries to protect. You brought that out very well.
Thank you. ^^ Yeah the new timeline is really full of angst potentials and I tried to discuss it in an understated way.
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