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February 2017

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The Last Will and Testament of James T. Kirk (Star Trek XI, Kirk/Spock)

st_xi_kink request (kind of) filled: Kirk may be reckless, but he isn't stupid and so he sets all his affairs in order before he takes off in the Enterprise again. Sorry, I'm too stuck to write the "finding out" part. Thanks to dissociate for the beta and general assistance.

Update: Per my request, the lovely igrab wrote a companion piece to this! The Last Will and Testament of S'chn T'gai Spock. Check it out! :D

Title: The Last Will and Testament of James T. Kirk
Characters: Kirk+All (Kirk/Spock)
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.


The Last Will and Testament of James T. Kirk

I, James Tiberius Kirk, of Riverside, Iowa, Captain of the USS Enterprise in the Federation Starfleet, do make and declare my last will and testament as follows:

To my mother, Winona Kirk, I leave all my possession left in her residence as well as the entirety of my Starfleet pension.

To my longtime friend and partner in mischief, Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the USS Enterprise, I leave my shot glass collection, currently stored in Starfleet storage locker #KP-64917. As there is a fair chance that he is the last doctor to see to my care, I would also like to remind him it's not his fault that I'm stupid enough to die on him. For Dr. McCoy's daughter, Joanna McCoy, there is an encased credit chip in the same locker, to be used towards her future educational and traveling expenses.

As for the rest of the content of Starfleet storage locker #KP-64917, I leave them to Lieutenant Nyota Uhura. Dear Lieutenant, please note that aside from the manuscripts I received on Xeron, your data chip from Prof. Vasiliev's Advanced Romulan Semantics course is also there. I'm sorry I took it from you.

To the other officers on Enterprise—Helmsman Hikaru Sulu, Navigator Pavel Chekov and Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott: Dr. McCoy knows where my secret alcohol stash is. You three are quite welcome to it as long as you are not sad drunks. (Mr. Chekov, for my own sake and yours, I do hope you are of the legal drinking age by the time this document comes into effect.)

There is a 10,000 to 1 high-detail replica model of the Enterprise on loan from me to the Starfleet Museum. I would be honored if Admiral Christopher Pike would take ownership of that model.

Lastly, to Commander Spock, my First Officer and better half, I leave all my papers, my 3D chessboard, and anything else that he sees fit to take from my personal quarters on the U.S.S Enterprise. I would also like to remind him that in Starfleet storage locker #KP-64916 there is the deed to that New Mexico ranch I always told him we'd retire to, even though he's never seen it. Above all else, I entrust my memories to him, and he will have the final executive power on all matters related to my estate. I.e., dear Starfleet Academy, please harass Spock for alumni donation from now on, not me. Should any movie studio wish to receive permission to make an epic movie about my life, they should find the best looking actor there is and ask Spock, not my mother.

Anything and everything else to my name, upon Commander Spock's authorization, should be disposed of in the most discreet and environmentally friendly manner possible. Spock, if you love me (and I know you do), please don't let them find our video collections, ever.

I have hereunto submitted my biometric information and seal, Stardate 2261.04.

James T. Kirk




aaahhhhhhh so sweet. :"} and i LOL'd (actually out loud, for real) at the video collection. you KNOW he started doing that without telling spock at first, lmfaooooo. <3
you KNOW he started doing that without telling spock at first

That is an intriguing interpretation! XD
This made me so sad. I know it probably wasn't the intention lol but I'm feeling emotional tonight so all I could see was Spock reading it with That Look on his face. (Re: Amanda death.)

I like how it sounds so easy and casual. I also agree that Kirk's very blase towards death. He rides a motorcycle without a helmet, tsk tsk. It's natural he wouldn't take his will too seriously. And ngaww I don't Kirk to die on Spock. Nevarrr. It's like the perfect setup for what will be The Saddest CharacterDeath!Angst! Fic Ever Written. I'd rather have them retire to a mystery ranch in Mexico and then cue strange domestic fic where they fetch their water old school. (Am I not making sense? Excuse me, I haven't slept for 40 hours lol)

You can really hear him behind those words. Thanks again for such an awesome read!

You know...

Kirk has to die on Spock at some point according to the different aging speed between human and Vulcan.

I mean I know for a fact that humans don't live for a hundred and twenty-nine years. XD

And I lol'd at the idea of them fetcing their water old school in Mexico, it's strangely adorable when I picture them like that.

Re: You know...

I would like you to know that I still haven't given up on finding a way for them to live together forever. :P

Re: You know...

I found onesies. But IDK, I don't think it worked out v well. Damn, it's sad to think of Spock all alone.

Re: You know...

> I mean I know for a fact that humans don't live for a hundred and twenty-nine years. XD

Now, maybe not. Then? How old was Admiral McCoy in the pilot episode of "Star Trek: the Next Generation" when he showed up to see the Enterprise-D and talk to Picard? =)

Re: You know...

Oi? Bones got made into an Admiral? Good God, I have to see this! :D

Re: You know...

*searches transcripts*

Aha, yes, here it is. Here's the transcript for the first half of "Encounter at Farpoint", which takes place in 2364:


The "Admiral" in section 104 (about halfway down) is McCoy, played by DeForest Kelley himself, and dialogue points out he is one-hundred forty-seven years old (due to a lot of medical replacements over the years). Extremly elderly, but still kicking!

Re: You know...



My age? Hold it right there, boy, what about my age?

Sorry, sir. If that subject troubles you...

Troubles me? What's so damned troubling about not having died? How old do you think I am?

One hundred forty-seven years, Admiral. According to Starfleet records.

Explain how you remember that so exactly.

I remember every fact I am exposed to, sir.


What's so damned troubling about not having died?


And that later part about Vulcans!! OMG!!!!

Bones I <3 you so much right now!

Edited at 2009-06-17 10:29 pm (UTC)

Re: You know...

I mean I know for a fact that humans don't live for a hundred and twenty-nine years. XD

Consider that within the last century, world human life expectancy has doubled; and in the US alone (and we're not the longest-lived nation - Japan is) the over-100 population is five times higher than a mere 30 years ago...

I wouldn't be surprised if 23rd-century Humans do live almost as long as Vulcans.

Re: You know...

Yarr that's what I think too! We r lyk twinz.
Honestly, I can't bear to think of their parting. I am grateful for the new timeline, because it opens up new possibilities. Might be a vain hope, but I think Kirk would agree that there is nothing wrong with hoping.
Well, I was amused all the way through, but I laughed out loud at this:

...I.e., dear Starfleet Academy, please harass Spock for alumni donation from now on, not me.

That's just cruel. :)

Very nicely done. Kirk's voice was spot-on.
*g* Oh, that was well done. It really made me smile.
Very cute! I love that he stole something from Uhura and never gave it back.
Oh, you mean aside from her boyfriend? :P

Oh, sorry. I just loled so hard at that.
Ohh! So sweet. I love how he remembered everybody, and the way he left the control of everything to Spock. Had to LOL at some points, though. But it's so sad too.

Thanks for a lovely fic.
Equal parts funny and cute. Love it.
This is...you're brilliant.

Hilarious, completely in character and a bit sad to boot. Wonderful, wonderful work!
lovely and touching, and this is EXACTLY how he would go about it!

I'd feel so bad for Spock when he'd be dealing with it D:(though I will only ever be okay if they die together regardless of how it goes)
I understand your sentiment but I am definitely NOT okay with them dying together. O_o I can't stand the thought of EITHER of them die.

If Kirk dies before Spock...Spock'd probably run off to Kolinahr but retract that decision at the very last second. *sigh*

Edited at 2009-06-18 05:43 am (UTC)
This made me smile. I think what I like the most about this is the casual levity of it - makes me feel like he quickly sat down and wrote this on the fly because he was already 100% certain of everything he needed to say.
a very interesting last will
I LOLed at "ask Spock, not my mother." :D

This is sort of everything I love about Jim. It is sort of pointless, though, because he is not allowed to die ever. Right?
It is sort of pointless, though, because he is not allowed to die ever. Right?


For some reason, the line
You three are quite welcome to it as long as you are not sad drunks.
is just perfect and heartbreaking.
This is lovely... my aunt just died on tuesday and the lightness and yet combined seriousness was beautiful. Thank you for writing this. :)
Quite original idea for a fic! Glad it was requested and you responded. I enjoyed. :)
oh, i love this so much.
This was epic, I loved it.
This is awesome. And kinda sad, but mostly awesome.
i really enjoyed this!

my only nit-picky comment is that Kirk was born in Riverside, Iowa. :)
Ah yes, I forgot about that. :P It's cute how that place has a landmark saying "The future birthplace of James T. Kirk". Thanks for pointing it out!
i'm an Iowan Trekkie so i would be full of FAIL if i didn't know about it. ^_^;;
I can't believe how this made me so incredibly sad and made me laugh at the same time. It's so well written, like all of your other Star Trek work I've read. So very Kirk x)